streetperson

My grandmother turned 84 last weekend.  It was a good short getaway, for her birthday, back to a city that used to be home, that has in the last decade become somewhat of a strange place to me.  It has changed, I get lost in the city — even the most familiar of streets, making me somewhat of a tourist rather than someone who had spent almost 20 years of my life there.

But it’s been 20 years since I left that city. 

I think I live an unexpected life.  I grew up with grandma, not unusual in itself, but hardly typical.  Looking back, I see my life as a whole series of coincidences and accidents of circumstance, there aren’t any significant parts of my life that could have been planned, that have made as much difference as the parts that have happened, unexpectedly.  I’ve been lucky though, I think that things could have turned out worse.

I was having a conversation with my uncle, the closest person that came to being a father to me, over the weekend — someone whom I have great respect for, whom I will say has been an extremely strong influence as well — in a series of conversations that had evolved through the years, that has gotten closer, bridging a “generation-gap” that had not been less apparent when I was growing up (sometimes I’m not sure if I have “grown-up”, but another discussion for another time), when he said “Adversity builds character”, as we discussed how life can be strange a lot of the time. 

That’s a phrase that I use, for myself and to people who sometimes come to me about “problems” that they have.  It’s all about our response. We decide how we want things to work out.  Not always in the way we would like, but unexpectedly, in a way that takes us a little further in life. 

I attended a Feng Shui workshop a couple of days ago, on how Feng Shui and our elements influence our lives.  At the end of the day, it seems that our lives are influenced a lot by our element, and time of birth, that sets of an entire series off events to be woven into a tapestry of life to come.  Some people are “luckier” than others, right time, right place.  Others have more challenging deals.  What is intriguing, is when two people who are born on the exact same date and time, who should for all reason have been given the same “luck bucket” whose lives turn out totally different.  It’s the unexpected life.  Two people can get the same luck-bucket but how they use it is entirely dependent on each of them.

We grow up shaped by expectations — our own and those that are imposed on us by well-meaning people around us.  We spend half our time fulfilling these expectations, and the other half resisting.  Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t.  But nothing ever prepares us for un-expectations.  Seemingly totally random events that cross our paths, sometimes when we are busiest meeting or resisting an overwhelming set of expectations already.

Sometimes good, sometimes not, but in either case, we are unprepared.  They are the little branches that fall into the stream that we have to jump over, and the roaring waterfalls at the edge of a mountain.  What do we do?

We ride them out.  

I’m sure we all have our stories to tell about these “unexpectations”.  Both the windfalls and the tragedies.  The joy, and the tears.  We don’t prepare for them because often, we can’t. 

I’ve had my share of unexpectations. Both good and bad — they have definitely been interesting and I don’t think I can really complain about how life has turned out.  I’ve had my share of tears but I’ve also had my share of “Look at what’s happened to me, I can’t believe it myself. Suddenly I’m up on top of the world, could have been somebody else.” moments.

I’m sure all of us have.  Be glad for them.

And everytime I think that life is really being unfair, I remember my gratitude stone and am really glad for my unexpected life.

I have a little piece of stone that I call my gratitude stone.  It’s a small little round bead, no bigger than my little finger.  I carry it around with me in my pocket most of the time, it hardly weighs anything, and I don’t really notice it there.

It’s only a heavy piece of rock, because it carries for me, the weight of my world.  It’s there because whenever I am challenged by life, this little piece of rock reminds me to be grateful — reminds me to count the one blessing that I am most thankful for, amongst the many little blessings that I have in my life.

That I am alive, to be challenged.  To be thankful for the people around me, thankful for the circumstances that are stretching me to respond, thankful for the lessons that I will learn along the way, thankful for the difficulties that will give me the necessary experiences that can only prepare me for even greater challenges.

Thankful that I have my health, thankful that I have my wits, thankful that I have even have this day to wake up to.

When I start to look for the one blessing that I am most grateful for, and can’t really decide which of the many blessings could possibly be the best, I am thankful that I even have blessings to count.

I don’t remember to be grateful a lot of the time, and it’s difficult to be sometimes with the hurdles that seem to come along.  When situations seem impossible, when there doesn’t seem to be resolutions to these situations.  The mind gets clouded and we despair.

There are times when we want to sit in a corner to cry, when we wonder how things could turn out so badly.  Times when everything seems impossible.  Times when we try so hard but nothing turns out the way we want them to.  Times when everything that can possibly go wrong, that will not only go wrong but bring you levels of wrongness that you never imagined possible.

And this little stone would nudge me.  Deep in my pocket.  To look for the one blessing and to remember to be grateful.

And magic happens.

And I realise that the things that I am grateful for, have more often than not, been preceeded with difficulties that I didn’t think I could get through either.  Things work out, in strange ways.

And with each challenge, thankful for the new paths that life would have lead me and new people that I would meet, and understand better the people who would have stood by me.  Thankful that I would discover a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for.

So yes, I am grateful.  Grateful for the paths that are created. For the people whom I have met.  Grateful for my family who have been there.  Grateful for all the difficulties that life has ever shown me.

It’s just a stone.  But it’s not any piece of stone.

This little piece of stone that sits in my pocket, carries with it, all the blessings of my life.  And if there’s anything I will wish for you my friend, is that you will find a little piece of stone that will become for you, the gratitude stone that mine has become to me.

Happy Year of the Rat!